Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most Book

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by: Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, Roger Fisher

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Average Rating: Rating: - ...and three hours later I knew I had my answer! Wow...what a book! I found myself in a bookstore one day--slightly depressed, and wondering if their might not be some other book that I hadn't read that might help me out of the pits I was finding myself in. I already had a cache of some dozen books on interpersonal communication but was feeling not satisfied with what I had found. I walked over to the 'self-help' section, stuck my hands in and pulled out, 'Difficult Conversations...' I found myself a comfortable chair and three hours later I knew I had my answer. No, I didn't read all of it, merely scanned it but it was enough. That was a number of weeks ago and I'm now on the sixth time through! I've high-lighted and/or underlined virtually every page in the book. Then, I purchased several copies for some family members AND today picked up a hardback edition for my ever growing library. My life has changed and I have a new lease on life. Thanks to the writers of this wonderful book. Now I want them to create a workbook so that we can start support-groups and help others. This is a book that should be taught in the schools and churches to be sure. You will not waste your money on this one folks . . . trust me! Rating: - This book could save countless marriages This is an exceptional book. Not since picking up Stephen Covey's "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" over 10 years ago have I come across a book that is destined to have great impact on both myself and millions of other readers. In essence "Difficult Conversations" is a practical everyday guide for living and breathing Stephen's fifth habit - "Seek first to understand then to be understood". It can be thought of as a "conversational handbook" - applicable in both your personal and business lives. Recently married couples, parents of teenage children and newly appointed managers will find the book especially powerful. The concepts are simple and if internalised could for eaxmple save the needless destruction of countless marriages. What excites me most is that it is so very readable and that its lessons are sufficiently simple that although it might take a life time to master - when applied you can see results in your own conversations and relationships immediately. Although I've yet to find any reference to the discipline of "dialogue" (as developed by the physicist David Bohm) in the book - it falls squarely within this subject area. Rating: - Foundational for discussing what matters most There were 3 aspects of this book that made a differecne for me: Thinking Differently, Making Shifts, and understanding the Structure found in all difficult conversations. If you understand these aspects it will significantly improve how well you handle difficult conversations. This is about Thinking Differently-- 1. This is an approach. 2. It's not about doing differently; it's about thinking differently. 3. It's about shifting from a message delivery stance to a learning stance. 4. All difficult conversations have the same structure. The structure is almost always "below the surface." It is hidden in what people are thinking and feeling, but not saying. Shifts (with this approach)-- We must shift our internal orientation: FROM: Certainty (I understand) TO: Curiosity (Help me understand); FROM: I am right TO: I am curious; FROM: I know what was intended TO:I know the impact; FROM: I know who is to blame TO: I know who contributed what; FROM: Debate TO: Exploration; FROM: Simplicity TO: Complexity; FROM: "Either/or" TO: "And". Understanding the Structure-- 1. All difficult conversations share a common structure. To make the structure visible, we not only need to understand what was said, but also what was not said. We need to understand what the people involved are thinking and feeling, but not saying to each other. This is usually where the real action is. 2. What makes a conversation difficult? The gap between what you are really thinking and what you are saying is part of it. 3. Our thoughts and feelings of all difficult conversations fall into the same three categories, or "conversations". 4. And, in each of the conversations, we make predictable errors that distort our thoughts and feelings and get us in trouble. 5. There predictable errors can be overcome this specific strategies that the authors suggest. I have developed workshops based on this material that we are finding very helpful in our hospital setting. Spend some time with this book - it will be worth your while.

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most Book

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